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I have been close companions with a woman, who has overcome many obstacles, her resilience is commendable. Yet, she's repeatedly blindsided by others. Her spouse left her, and it was an unexpected event. Many of her friends vanished at that point, since they had been focused solely on the spouse. This surprised her deeply. She put in increased attention to be my friend, and must have grasped better what friendship was.

Ongoing Issues of Disappearance

In the time since, several of her friends vanished without her being sure why. Her last employer became hostile, even though she was highly competent, she departed without knowing what had changed.

Present Situation

Lately, both of us retired so we're spending each other more, however, I feel my role between us is as the audience. I introduce subjects only for her to redirect them to things she cares about. Regarding political views, she holds firm beliefs. I try to propose factchecking or other angles.

She is organizing a holiday to a country I've visited many times and lived in for some time. My intention was to offer personal experiences, however, my input unappreciated. She essentially only wanted me to confirm her decisions. I recently ended four weeks there she is eager to meet, however, I hesitate.

Considering the Choices

I am unwilling to be a friend that walks away without a word, yet I doubt she'll truly comprehend the effect of her actions on my confidence. Currently, I find myself in pulling back. What should I do?

Possible Paths

You could cut and run, however, that approach is seldom the easy answer we imagine. Yet having a direct talk with the goal of a solution takes courage and readiness for each of you.

Experts suggest using a useful conflict resolution tool:

"The first step involves describing how things go during your discussions. This needs to be objective and clear like an unbiased account. Step two involves sharing the way it affects you emotionally. Ideally, there's no disagreement on this point. Emotions belong to you, after all. The third step is to question how you are both will alter the pattern in your relationship."

Keep in mind she too has a point of view, so you need to be prepared to listen to her. A helpful technique involves stating her:

"Please share your thoughts while I will remain silent for 30 minutes."

This can be impactful for promoting understanding.

Final Thoughts

This person might reject everything, as some people cling to a self-protecting mindset: they rely on a version regarding their experiences they're unable to release because their very survival is tied to it being the only thing they trust. This is difficult because there's no thoroughfare here, mere obstacles. But she may initially present this way and then think about what you've said. If you never reach a resolution, it will give you closure knowing you were open and direct.